To the audience for Whoopi Goldberg’s one-woman show at the Lyceum Theater: a word of advice about how to create a standing ovation when you don’t really mean it.

First, it is very difficult to start a standing ovation of any sort from the back row of an auditorium. The mechanics are simple: most people stand up in a theater in order to see over the heads of the people who have stood up in front of them. Gazing fixedly at a solid wall of unfamiliar backs makes most people feel short and faintly imbecilic. Standing up is much more fun and, in addition, enables you to see what’s going on onstage. If you try to create a standing ovation from anywhere near the back of the theater, however, the rest of the audience will just sit there and jeer at you. If you are sitting toward the back of the theater and feel that you would like to participate in a standing ovation, it is best to try and get word to someone in the third row during intermission.

Now when you try to create a standing ovation, what you are trying to register is a spontaneous expression of unmixed approval. You are trying to get across the idea that you thought it was a good performance. Leaning forward in your seat, placing your program or handbag neatly on the floor in front of you, glancing furtively around to see how other people are reacting and