4.08.2003
This “news report” just came in from a friend . . . .
[Posted 2:37 AM by James Panero]
Based on news reports from Columbia University and on the
widespread anti-Americanism among American college faculties, we are
not far from the following address by a college president:
As president of our university, I am proud to announce that we have
extended a formal invitation to Iraq’s President, the Honorable Saddam
Hussein, to occupy the newly endowed Jimmy Carter Chair in Appeasement
Studies.
We believe that President Hussein will feel quite at home at our
school. Most of our liberal arts professors share Professor Hussein’s
views of America, and very few, if any, support America’s racist,
imperialist, hegemonic, capitalist, non-U.N.-sanctioned attack on his
country.
Moreover, initial inquiries have ensured widespread support for a
Saddam Hussein professorship. CNN, for example, has agreed in
principle to offer Professor Hussein his own cable show. While such a
show will be similar in tone and outlook to CNN’s reporting from Iraq,
CNN told us that they feel that it is always helpful to have another voice with particular appeal to their European viewers.
Progressive labor unions have likewise assured us of their support.
Upon first hearing that a Middle Eastern leader would be teaching
here, some progressive national union leaders immediately called my
office to warn of labor unrest if that leader were Israel’s prime
minister, Ariel Sharon. We immediately assured them that we have
little interest in providing opportunities for allies of America to
speak, let alone teach, at our university. And we made it abundantly clear that the fact that Sharon was democratically elected is of no
import to any progressive university in America.
I am also pleased to note that our women’s studies professors and the
many others concerned with women’s equality are particularly pleased
to welcome President Hussein. Though we are aware of reports of
widespread rape and torture of women by the officials of the Iraqi
government, our university affirms, as do all other great American
universities, multi-culturalism. And as multi-culturalists, we believe
that judging other cultures is a reactionary anachronism, again
emanating from America’s outdated Judeo-Christian perspective. Our
feminist scholars have reminded me that what matters is that Saddam
Hussein is pro-choice, and the university can surely use another
pro-choice voice at a time when a woman’s unfettered right to a
third-trimester abortion is under attack by a sexist American
government.I wish to applaud the student council for this idea. As the college’s
president, I am well aware that students, not administrators, should
make university policy. The notion that a university president knows
better than a student two years out of high school what should be
taught, or who should teach, at a university is a function of ageism
and classism, two vestiges of the American Judeo-Christian and capitalist value systems that we university professors and
administrators reject.Indeed, the only obstacle is that President Hussein smokes cigars, and
perhaps even cigarettes. Needless to say, our university cannot offer
its students a professorial model who publicly smokes. While our
professors and students have long defended Communist, Arab, and other
anti-American dictators, the university community draws a firm line at
smokers. Negotiations with President Hussein’s staff concerning this
matter are taking place at this very moment.
Finally, I call on our many alumni to continue to generously support
the college. As you can see, your money is going to support a great
American institution.